Tex Murphy is about to come out of his long coma according to his alter-ego Chris Jones, and those of us who dropped crazy amounts of cash on this Kickstarter project will soon be immersed in exploring the beta version of the Tesla Effect. Well, if it works on ancient computer hardware/software, that is. It had better! All I have is ancient crap.
2014 is the last model year for the Toyota FJ Cruiser, so I had to get mine while it was still 2013. Huh? Right! 2014 vehicles are built in 2013. When I bought my 1998 Pontiac (RIP) Grand Am in early 1998, they were hard to find. Pontiac wasn’t making 1998 cars in 1998, they were… not making anything because the union workers needed a long unpaid vacation, not to mention the fact they were trying to figure out how to build 1999 model cars that were different from the 1998 models, and that was in 1998. I had my choice of white or black. Yuck! I chose white. Like choosing vanilla instead of chocolate; maybe I should have chosen chocolate.
Somewhere around 2006 or 2007, I was on my way from Quincy, Illinois, to Barry, and I saw this marvelous machine near the Sonic restaurant, and I thought, that’s one cool machine. I want one! Well, finances said forget it, and my Grand Am was in great shape so time funs when you’re having flies. Flash forward to the GREAT GLOBAL WARMING DISASTER OF DISASTER FOREVER AND EVER AMEN WHERE ALL HUMANS DROWN AND DUCKS RULE, so I thought I’d better get a four-wheel drive machine before those boiling hot glaciers came screaming down the valley at 900 miles an hour. I sure didn’t want to be boiled alive in a glacier, so I’d better be able to outrun them. Idiots scream about global warming, and I’m freezing my ass off. It ain’t warming if you’re FREEZING!
“It’s snowing.” Run for your lives, it’s global warming!
“It’s 104 degrees.” Run for your lives, it’s global warming!
“It’s normal.” HORROR OF HORRORS! WE’RE DOOMED! IT’S GLOBAL WARMING! We’ll all die in 5 years. No, wait, 10 years. Hold on, maybe it’s 20 years. Was it last year? Oh guru of the Cult of Global Warming, what is the current talking point? I’m confused! When is the GREAT GLOBAL WARMING DISASTER OF DISASTERS going to kill all of us overnight? Oh! Tuesday? You’re sure about that? Really?
RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! GLOBAL WARMING WILL KILL ALL OF US ON TUESDAY!!!!!!!!!!!
Which of you reading this now remember in the 1970s when the SAME PEOPLE now screaming about global warming were screaming about the next ice age starting before the year 2000? I do. Bah! It’s all about getting stupid politicians to give them millions of dollars to study the catastrophe du jour. When the bucks run out, it’s time to create a new life-ending disaster to keep the dollars flowing. Otherwise they’d have to get a job at Wal-Mart as a greeter, or work at McDonalds cleaning tables. Remember this everytime you see a poll: Figures don’t lie, but liars can figure. Thank you, Richard Helm for that piece of wisdom.
For example: Cancer is caused by saccharine. We know this conclusively because we ran over a mouse with a dump truck loaded with 10 tons of saccharine and after testing the squished mouse we saw it had CANCER! HORRORS! Give us 10 bajillion dollars to study this conclusively demonstrated, inarguable link between saccharine and cancer. Oh, by the way, we have a 4 week seminar planned for the Bahamas this fall. WINK WINK, WOULD YOU LIKE TO JOIN US?
We now resume our irregularly scheduled ramblings…
So, after 15 wonderful years of driving the best car I have ever owned, I got my 2014 FJ Cruiser in 2013 while they were still available. I had my choice of Puke Orange, Army Green, Sand, Puke Orange, Army Green, Army Green, or Army Green, not to mention Army Green. Well, Mr. Salesman, I want Cement like this brochure, or even Papa Smurf Blue. Sorry, that was Sooooo last year; how about Army Green?
I chose Army Green.
Why abandon my beloved Grand Am? Well, at 137,000 miles and 15 years, it has entered the nickel and dime stage of car life (or is it hundreds and thousands stage?). And then there is the fact that I have gotten older, and it is getting harder to fold, spindle, and mutilate myself getting into a vehicle where my ass is dragging on the pavement. That goes hand in hand with all the folks who are driving vehicles about 9 feet higher than a Grand Am. I couldn’t see anything in front of me anymore. Even my 91-year-old father liked the FJ over the Grand Am because of its hand-hold so he could hoist himself into the seat. Gotta love that. When I was a kid, I wanted a hot-rod Dodge Challenger/Charger (you choose) and a Jeep CJ5. So I’ve had the Challenger substitute in the Grand Am, and now it’s time for the CJ5 substitute in the FJ Cruiser. The FJ is a much better choice, I must say.
I understand why Toyota dropped thew FJ Cruiser since the last year’s sales records showed a total of 13,000 or so sold. In its short life span, I think there are less than 250,000 on the roads today. I am happy I have mine.
The point of all that is that since I will be paying for this new vehicle for the next lifetime or so, I won’t be able to take the cruise to Gardner Island in the summer of 2015. But, if you have a loose 10 grand or so looking for a place to park, that is not in Obama’s bank account, check out this site: Betchart Expedition cruise to Gardner Island
No, you won’t find Amelia’s bones; they were found long ago. But what a great journey. I’ll have to win a lottery if I expect to be on it. And the fantasies go on and….
That’s why I call it my ramblings. I never know where I’m going but I enjoy the ride. I hope you do too.’
Maybe I should add some music. Here’s a song by a JJ Cale and improved by Brother Phelps. Anyway The Wind Blows. I am NOT responsible for Google’s annoying advertisements. I don’t like them either. I wish they had a timer that would show the nanoseconds it takes for victims to click the Skip Ad button.